On Monday 3 March, parents of children starting secondary school in England and Wales this September will receive letters allocating their places for the next five years in education. While many will receive news they’re overjoyed about, others will be disappointed.
Last year, this was Madeline Miller whose son Ethan, now 12, was allocated his third choice school. “He was absolutely devastated,” she tells The i Paper. “He sobbed as he repeatedly asked why this happened to him. I read the letter multiple times in search of an error. It made my heart sink. I knew it was oversubscribed but children near us had been offered a place so I thought we had a good chance.”
In 2024, 82.9 per cent of students received an offer for their first choice secondary school, an increase of 0.3 per cent on the previous year. Ethan was the only one of his friends to not get a place at their shared top school – Parrs Wood in Manchester. As his close-knit group of five had been together for years, often meeting up at the park on weekends and school holidays, and spending every lunchtime together, he was heartbroken.
“The feelings hit him hard when he bought the new school uniform and his friends were making group chats for Parrs Wood and planning their first day together,” says Miller, a 42-year-old writer. When his friends posted images in their matching new uniforms, and he started from scratch in a new blazer, his feelings intensified.
Chris McNab, the headteacher at Overton Grange school in Sutton says it’s normal to feel frustrated and disappointed when you don’t get your first choice school. The first thing he recommends is visiting the school for a tour or doing research from their website. “This will allow you to feel more comfortable as a family by familiarising yourself with not only the school but key members of staff.”
Alicia Meynell, the client manager at Think Tutors (an education advisory firm), says “it’s important to reassure the child that this doesn’t define their abilities or future success. Acknowledge their feelings, celebrate their effort and help them focus on the positives. Reframe the outcome as a redirection rather than a failure, emphasising that happiness is shaped more by mindset and opportunities than a school’s name.”
The Millers lived just outside of the catchment area and as Parrs Wood was oversubscribed, like 95 per cent of Ofsted-rated “outstanding” schools, they did not get allocated a place. “Our location just outside of the catchment area proved to be decisive. His friends’ homes were only a short walk from ours but we failed to gain a spot. Catchment rules were particularly stringent.”
Instead, he was to attend Burnage Academy for Boys – which required a 20-minute bus journey for Ethan, who had never travelled on public transport alone. On his first day he needed a lot of reassurance from his mother that he’d be able to make new friends. “I just hope someone talks to me at break,” he told her before leaving the house for his first trip alone on public transport. They’d practiced the route together a few times beforehand but it was a huge worry.
“It broke my heart,” says Miller. “I was anxious all day. I kept checking my phone half-expecting a message from him saying that he hated it. I tried to keep myself busy but I couldn’t stop thinking about how he was getting on.”
Ethan’s first few weeks weren’t great. He eventually opened up to his mother and said he’d been “uncomfortable” at lunchtime as he didn’t know any of his classmates. “He went from having many friends to sitting with boys he barely knew,” says Miller who found out that Ethan had yet to learn the names of his new pals, but they’d started to bond over football teams. Still, he found it strange being in all-male classes. “The loneliness he experienced made me constantly anxious.”
McNab says the transition from primary to secondary school is “daunting for every student but very quickly students will immerse themselves within the culture of the new school and enjoy the opportunities schools can provide.”
He’s always impressed how quickly the new students settle in and establish new friendship groups. “Young people are resilient,” he says. “The important thing to remember is that a large number of students will find themselves in a similar situation. A fresh start can often provide the springboard that allows young people to flourish.”
Meynell, who helps coach students and teachers through the transition period, says: “Children may face challenges as they adapt to new routines, expectations and peer groups. Some may seamlessly integrate, while others may struggle feeling out of place or lost. Both reactions are completely normal.
“With consistent emotional and academic support, they are likely to build confidence and develop strong social connections. It’s important to encourage them to remain open, proactive and patient. With the right support, children can quickly adapt and feel confident in their new school setting. As children gain confidence, they begin forming friendships and settling into the environment.”
Six months on, things for Ethan are very different. He has joined the football team and “built his own life at Burnage”. Miller believes her son has become more independent, and the anxiety was quick to wear off for both of them.
Miller didn’t appeal the decision at the time, although she thought about it many times. In 2023-24 40,946 appeals were lodged and 32,107 heard but only 20 per cent of those were successful. Appeals are heard by a panel of at least three independent people – including one who has worked in the education sector and one layperson: a policeman or architect, for example. They take into account whether a child would have to take multiple buses to their second choice school, or would benefit from being in a smaller school.
Miller instead spent her time preparing Ethan for his new school, reassuring him that he’d make new friends and enjoy it. “The process took time but he gained confidence and adjusted. He enjoyed aspects of his school environment more than he initially thought.”
Stay calm
Especially in front of your child, who may be feeling just as disappointed about the offer they’ve received. Reassure them, take a deep breath and try not to be negative about the school that they may end up attending.
Join the waiting list of the school you want…
Join your child’s chosen preferred school’s waiting list – schools are required to keep a waiting list open for at least the first term of each school year. You can still add your child to a waiting list even if you accept the offer of a place at another school, and if you are offered a place at your preferred school you can accept it, even if your child has already started elsewhere.
… but don’t reject the place they’ve been offered
This is your child’s safety net, and gives you the chance to assess how best to move forward.
Research the school they have been offered a place to
You may be convinced that it’s the wrong learning environment for your child, but it’s worth looking at up-to-date information about the school or speaking to parents of children who do go there.
Know who to contact
The waiting list for your chosen school may be operated by the school or by your local council. The offer letter may tell you which; if not, the local council’s website should. Once you’ve found out who to contact, mail the contact address or give them a call (be patient; the lines are likely to be busy on Offers Day) and ask to be put on a waiting list, even if it’s a long one.
Appeal the decision
If your child is refused a place at their chosen school, you can appeal against the decision through the admissions authority. You can still appeal the decision even if you accept the place offered at another school.
Stay on top of timings
The admission authority for the school must allow you at least 20 school days to appeal from when they send the decision letter. The admission authority will set a deadline for submitting information and evidence to support your appeal.
If you submit anything after the deadline, it might not be considered and may result in delays to your hearing. Child Law Advice may be able to give you advice about appeals. The admission authority must give you at least 10 school days’ notice of the hearing. Appeals must be heard within 40 school days of the deadline for making an appeal.
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