Life throws all kinds of stuff at us – some happy and some sad. It might be a home move, a new job, the breakdown of a significant relationship, the death of someone we love, or just the feeling of being lost for too long and having no direction.
Interestingly, we all deal with those same challenges in different ways. We are individuals with our own backstory, our own personality traits and our own perspectives and framing.
But one thing is fundamental to us all – we need to process what has happened. We need to spend time thinking about it, working through it and reflecting on the events and situations we have faced. This helps us notice how events have made us feel and understand the impact they have had. Why is this important? Well, it is only then that we can work through our feelings, write what has happened into the “story” of our lives, accept it and move forward.
If we do not process things, we can get “stuck” in one place or on one event and we never learn or find our way out to the other side.
A useful analogy is a slow cooker – you put the ingredients in, set it to cook and leave it. In the same way, after a tricky time in life, our brains and emotional systems need time and space, and to be programmed with the right settings to help us work things through. So, what kind of tools are useful for our very own mental and emotional “slow cooker”?
Taking time to think about what has happened and trying to understand why it happened is helpful. We can reflect on things, make a journal, notice the thoughts and feelings that come with that, and understand how we have framed things – either in a negative or positive way, as our fault or someone else’s. This cognitive process really enables us to move forward because we have the chance to learn more about ourselves in the process.
However, we must also be aware that we need to alternate between this and undertaking activities that do not involve overtly “thinking” about things, almost allowing that to happen in the background. Visualise a pendulum in a clock – swinging from thinking to not thinking. Giving space to our minds really can help us to process more efficiently, more compassionately and more organically.
You might want to try running, listening to the lyrics of songs, baking, painting, crafting or organising and tidying. These activities can give us space from the “mind-driven” way we process events and allow the wisdom and intuition that is deep inside us to be seen and heard.
We cannot overestimate the importance of rest, sleep and recovery after tricky times. Our brains recharge during sleep, our memories are laid down and our minds process events of the day. Prioritise your sleep – not just the amount, but the quality.
Work out a sleep routine – the time of sleeping and waking, the energy your bedroom holds and what helps you sleep well. That could be reading, taking a bath, putting your phone away, or preparing what you need for the next day. And work out the equivalent for resting as well.
Resting does not just mean sitting and watching a screen – it means proactive rest: hobbies, activities, seeing friends and family, a rest from work, a rest from your phone and social media, a rest from the noise of the world around you. Be patient with yourself and the processing of events will happen much more easily and organically.
One technique that you may not have thought about using is symbolism – the idea that symbols, objects, art, nature, or even “coincidences” can represent ideas or qualities or have meaning behind them.
Why does this work? Well, because human emotions can be complex and hard to pin down. Finding meaning in things can help us express something intangible or seemingly invisible. It might be noticing spring flowers coming up, which can give us a feeling of hope after a difficult period in life. It might be a keepsake from a loved one who has died that represents something for us – a feeling, a memory, a characteristic, or a nugget of advice they gave us.
Common objects can also be symbolic – for example, lighting a candle to conjure up the idea of eternity or calm, a rose to represent love and romance, a tree to mean life or being grounded. Think about which objects, symbols, art or aspects of nature might allow you to pinpoint the emotions you feel, name them and express them so that you can start to process what has happened.
Symbolism can help us find meaning in the most confusing life events and allow us to find a purpose through them.
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