It's hard to make friends when you're older, experts say: 3 reasons why—and how to fix it

Research shows that social relationships outside your family are crucial to maintaining a happy, healthy, long life. But as we get older, spouses, children and aging parents can monopolize the time we were once able to dedicate to nurturing friendships.

Less that one-third of adults ages 30 to 49 say they have five or more close friends, according to a 2023 survey by Pew Research Center. And in a 2023 University of Michigan poll, 34% of adults ages 50 to 80 say they feel isolated.

To make friends as an adult, three factors need to align, author Mel Robbins said on a recent episode of Jay Shetty's podcast On Purpose.

If you feel like someone checks these boxes, but you can't seem engage with them in a meaningful way, it might be because you're not asking the right questions, Alison Wood Brooks, an associate professor of business administration at Harvard Business School and author of "Talk: The Science Of Conversation And The Art Of Being Ourselves" recently told CNBC Make It.

"If you're trying to woo a new friend, you should really be focused on what's going to be rewarding to them about having you as a friend," she said.

Find out what the other person actually enjoys doing and what their time constraints are. Let's say they work later hours, then maybe don't invite your new friend to happy hour. If you know they go to a weekly farmers market, ask them if you can join.

Not all hangouts have to be activity-based, either. Part of being a friend is supporting and validating someone who might be having a hard time.

"You can ask, 'What are you struggling with? How can I help?'" Brooks says. "Sometimes I think just having the mindset of 'I wanna be a sounding board for someone else' is incredibly helpful, too, to a friend."