This week, we hear from a reader who has no trouble attracting men but struggles to find one who sticks around – especially once they learn she has a young son.
Although she’s put herself out there, she’s starting to wonder if anyone is truly willing to accept her and her child.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s column from a man who, despite being ready to embrace his sexuality, is afraid to come out to those closest to him.
The problem:
I’m the single parent of a three-year-old boy, who’s finding it very difficult to meet a guy wanting more than just sex. I’m attractive, I have a good job and my own place, and I like to think I have a good personality. I’ve also been told more than once that I’m great in bed, so what’s not to like?
Guys seem to love me and leave me, and the only reason I can think of is that they just don’t want to get involved with someone who has a child. You’d think that in 2025 this wouldn’t be such a big deal, but apparently, it is.
I tend to meet a lot of guys online, and because I want them to know me for myself, I don’t come straight out and say I have a son. Sometimes I don’t mention it until we’ve had a few dates, and that’s when things suddenly change. One minute he’s all keen on me, the next I get ghosted.
I’m not suggesting there’s nobody out there willing to take on my child; just that they’re few and far between – and so far, I haven’t met anyone I want to share my life with.
My mum takes my little boy a lot, so I have plenty of time to go out with men, and I don’t have any trouble getting dates. They just never seem to go anywhere.
I really worry that I’m going to end up on my own if I can’t figure out this problem soon.
The advice:
Poor you, it can be tough being a single parent sometimes. But I wonder whether you’re being your own worst enemy by not being upfront to start with. It wouldn’t matter if you lied about your job or your age instead, the fact is that lots of people are put off by dishonesty – so start making your situation clear from the get-go.
This way, you’re not only being admirably honest, but you also know that anyone who dates you does so with the full knowledge that you have a child.
Single mums are often looking for a serious relationship; a life partner who is going to step into the role of a father for their child. But some of the guys you’ve been meeting will only have wanted a good time, and when they’ve seen responsibility and commitment looming, they’ve run a mile.
Without meaning to, you might also be giving off a desperate vibe, which isn’t always attractive, so try to calm down and stop fretting. Work on building a social life that’s interesting and fulfilling, so that everything isn’t just about meeting Mr Right.
Get involved in a single parent group, where you’ll be able to make friends in the same boat. Gingerbread is one of the leading charities for people in your situation and has branches all over the country, but there may be others local to you.
There’s no time limit on finding love, so just enjoy dates for their own sake, rather than making them a mission. And remember that many people build successful, happy lives, as single people.
Take the focus off your search for that special someone and make the most of that little chap who loves you unconditionally. Love is more likely to come along when you least expect it.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected].
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