This week we hear from Penelope*, a 26-year-old bisexual writer from Birmingham, who has been in a monogamous same-sex relationship for just over a year.
Despite living with her parents, a 90-minute train journey away from her partner, she has sex around twice a week, and now feels more sexually fulfilled than she ever did with men.
‘Before my girlfriend Gemma*, I’d enjoyed sex with men but I was never satisfied – I just couldn’t let go and enjoy it,’ she says. ‘All these relationships with men were one-night stands or short-term situationships, so now, in a long-term relationship for the first time, I feel completely safe and able to express my true desires.’
While the couple aren’t shy about trying new things – from doctor/patient roleplay to double-ended dildos – they enjoy a comfortable sex routine they know will lead to orgasm every time.
Penelope has also gained a newfound appreciation for giving and receiving oral, which she says felt like a ‘routine step’ with men.
She explains: ‘I didn’t enjoy it. I even remember at 18 convincing myself I preferred to give rather than receive, because of how the act made me feel – like I had to perform and not let on I hated feeling like the centre of attention.
‘It also brought me a lot of anxiety because I felt like the men I was intimate with would talk to friends about what we did.’
Penelope only discovered she was bi when she developed feelings for Gemma about two years ago when their friendship began to turn into something more. Suddenly she felt like her romantic life ‘all made sense’ – and her parents and best friend were supportive too.
‘Now I love being looked at when my girlfriend goes down on me,’ she says. ‘I want her to see how good she makes me feel and hear the noises no one else has evoked from me before.’
So without further ado, here’s how Penelope got on this week…
The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.
Monday
We only said goodbye yesterday and already I’m thinking about seeing her again this weekend. I already miss how we laugh together, when we get lunch together or when it’s time to say goodnight and her hand reaches over my shoulder to cup my breast.
Even thinking about the way her fingers gently brush my nipples makes them go hard. I text her to say just that.
‘Hey, baby. Thinking of you and your magic hands,’ I say. ‘Oh, really?’ my girlfriend says. ‘My hands where?’
We continue the flirty texting throughout the day. She works full-time in an office while I attend university for two days a week and write from home for the rest, so our schedules don’t always align.
Living separately – me with my parents and her with friends – we usually have to carve out time a specific time to be physical together, but sexting helps keep the spark lit for the days we aren’t together.
It hits 10pm and I text her to tell her I’m going to bed. The reply comes back instantly: ‘Me too, baby. I love you. Good night.’
Tuesday
Like clockwork, I get my daily ‘good morning’ text from my girlfriend at 7am. There’s usually some light competition to see who says it first, and most of the time, she wins.
Today is insanely busy for me – various projects suddenly need my undivided attention, and I need to catch up on what feels like hundreds of emails. We check in via text here and there throughout the day, but on days like these where contact is minimal, I feel like I need some quality time.
We agree to FaceTime later, and at 9pm when she calls, we catch up about the day’s events before I realise it’s time for bed.
‘Let me see,’ she commands as I turn away to remove my t-shirt and put on my pyjamas. Still, after a year, I feel giddy about her seeing my naked body, especially my breasts. I turn slowly to face her as I pull my t-shirt over my head.
I look at the screen and she’s smirking, biting her lip. ‘You’re delicious,’ she says.
Wednesday
It’s cold outside, so I wrap up warm before I head out to meet a friend for lunch at a café. The conversation immediately turns to our relationships, and I gush about me and my girlfriend’s recent romantic weekend away to Hebden Bridge in Yorkshire for Valentine’s Day.
We both bought new lingerie (mine was pink and mesh, hers black and lacy) and we were looking forward to being able to make as much noise as possible while having sex.
My friend updates me about her single-life adventures. From reigniting old flames to first dates with boys from Hinge, it’s always a wild ride – but one that reminds me how grateful I am to be out of the dating scene. I did my time.
We part ways, and when I’m back home, I text my girlfriend to update her about my day so far. Then, I get into comfortable clothes and pick up my romance book. Two chapters in and I get to the promised land – the spicy sex scene. I can’t help but replace the main characters with my girlfriend and me, the scene playing out in my head as vividly as if it were happening in real life.
When it’s finally time to put the book down, I can feel the wetness soaking my underwear, but I’m too tired to do anything about it.
Thursday
It’s my self-appointed day off and I have no plans. It gives my brain time to wander, and with no time constraints or deadlines to meet, I grab my toys and open my favourite women-focused porn site, Bellesa.
I don’t have a favourite type of porn, but I like this specific site because it prioritises more ‘ethical’ videos where, contrary to a lot of popular porn, girls get equal amounts of attention and finish in most, if not all, of the videos on the site.
I set my phone to ‘do not disturb’ and spend the next 20 minutes focusing on my pleasure – alongside the mind-blowing girl-on-girl video I’ve chosen. It doesn’t take long for my imagination to take over and suddenly I’m picturing my girlfriend’s head between my legs.
I use a vibrator and a pink silicone dildo to do the trick. When I’ve finished, I send my girlfriend a text to let her know what I’ve been doing. Her reply is a row of ‘drooling face’ emojis, and that’s all I need to see to know my news has had the desired effect.
Friday
Just to make sure my girlfriend is excited to see me this evening, I head to my iPhone’s hidden photo album and send her a sexy – read: naked – surprise snap I took a couple of weeks ago that she hasn’t seen yet.
Something about sending her a photo that will turn her on, turns me on. I’ve never felt more wanted than I do by her, and that desire plays a huge part in why I think our sex life is so satisfying.
I’m so looking forward to her arriving, I’ve followed her journey on Find My iPhone, and lead her to my bedroom as soon as she gets here.
We’ve both agreed there’s an added layer of sexiness when we can make as much noise as we want, but although today we must be quiet, this sometimes actually makes it more fun.
As we’re kissing, Gemma leans over me and reaches into my drawer for our toys, pulling out the Satisfyer vibrator, the pink dildo, and the rabbit. It’s so hard to keep my moans inside, I find myself smothering my mouth with my own hand or biting her shoulder or arm gently as she touches me.
We lay side by side with her using the rabbit on me, then move to face each other and change toys. With both the dildo and vibrator, I move closer to climax. Eventually, I just need to spread my legs wide and Gemma moves down the bed until she’s between my legs.
This time it’s her hand over my mouth to muffle my moans as I come.
Saturday
I wake up in a blissful state. Sleeping with her warm body next to mine always feels heavenly and knowing that we have a weekend ahead of us to spend just the two of us is all I want.
Like most mornings we’re together, I’m horny. Gemma begins to stir, so I listen for the familiar sounds of movement outside my bedroom door, but the house is silent. I double-check on Find My iPhone and confirm my parents are out shopping.
Gemma is nuzzling my neck, which turns into gentle biting. She then shuffles down the bed and brings her tongue to my nipples, licking and grazing them with her teeth. I know it might sound like an exaggeration, but my nipples are so sensitive that when she does this, I swear I see stars.
After a few more moments of this, I tell her I need more. I grab my toys but instead she gets between my legs and gives me head that makes my back arch. She fingers me as I beg her not to stop.
Sunday
Sunday morning comes around too quickly. We wake up, enjoy a long cuddle and then get ready for the day. But before we can leave the house, I tell her I just need to do one quick thing. One hour and a solid make-out session later, we head out to get breakfast from our favourite local café.
The sun’s out, so we go for a walk around a nearby park, chatting about our favourite topics – the two of us getting together and the future. I jokingly say to her that she can never let me go because I couldn’t live without such life-altering orgasms. She tells me she doesn’t intend to, and pecks me on the lips before driving me home.
It’s time for her to leave, but I ask if she has another 10 minutes, and begin to take her top and bra off, eliciting soft moans from her usually dominant self as I play with her nipples. In mere seconds, I feel myself getting turned on. She takes over, roughly removing the clothes on my top half and returning the favour.
Eventually, once we find it in ourselves to break apart, she leaves. I’m left with wet knickers, already dreaming about next weekend.
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