'Everton-Man Utd penalty call was a farce – but diver Ashley Young deserved it'

VAR's handling of that late Everton penalty against Manchester United was messed up – Paul Scholes-sucking-his daughter's-toes levels of messed up.

But don't feel sorry for Ashley Young, who, in case you missed it, was tugged down by Harry Maguire and Matthijs de Ligt like a bra strap on prom night. That fella's been practicing diving longer than Tom Daly, and his trademark flail-and-flop – two words that aptly sum up his England career – was so blatant it convinced both Stockley Park and referee Andy Madley to overturn a stonewall spot kick.

At this point, I'm not even sure it's simulation – it's a deeply ingrained instinct, like salmon swimming upstream or Darwin Nunez missing sitters.

It's high time Young's diving past came back to haunt him, and like fellow cheat Kyle Walker, he needs to learn that going down too easily has consequences.

All this faux outrage about Jamie Carragher 'disrespecting' the Africa Cup of Nations is doing my head in. All he said was that the AFCON wasn't as big as the Euros, and winning it wouldn’t guarantee Mo Salah the Ballon d'Or – which is true.

It might be politically correct to claim otherwise, but so is claiming people tune into The Overlap for Jill Scott, and we all know that's nonsense!

We don't have to be dishonest to be respectful. The AFCON isn't your mate's ugly baby you have to pretend is adorable. Carragher's just dealing with reality, and anyone furious with him is either delusional or a virtue-signalling twerp.

Arsenal fans are a joke. More of a joke than pinning your title hopes on Mikel Merino in the No. 9 role. They're like Jake Paul – loud, arrogant, and unbearable, despite achieving nothing of real substance.

They talk a good game – like when they spent weeks parroting the word 'humble' after finally beating Manchester City at the 77th time of asking, or when they belt out sarcastic chants about Kai Havertz being a waste of money… which is about as ironic as Wayne Rooney giving TED Talks on managerial success.

But when push comes to shove they've got all the integrity of Ryan Giggs at a family reunion. Case in point: the fact The Emirates turned into The Emptyrates when the Gunners were pushing for a late equaliser against West Ham on Saturday.

"North London Forever" and all that, except when you're trying to beat the rush on the Victoria Line, apparently. They've waited 20 years for a title, but can't manage a full 90 minutes when their injury-ravaged 10-man team needs them most? What a bunch of Andre Onanas. Sorry, I mean clowns.

People are actually rooting for Liverpool to win the league, which, for most supporters, is as counter-intuitive as rooting for a brain haemorrhage. That's how insufferable Arsenal fans have become.