It has always been important to raise resilient kids, but today, building mental strength in children is more crucial than ever.
As a child therapist with over 20 years of experience, I've seen firsthand how intentional guidance and modeling from parents early on can help pave the way for a successful future for their kids.
Based on thousands of hours in sessions and extensive study, I've observed that the parents who practice these seven techniques end up raising kids who are not only great critical thinkers, but deeply empathetic and emotionally sophisticated, too.
1. They encourage feelings identification from the start
When parents encourage their children to identify their feelings — whether happy, disappointed, or angry — they help kids understand that all emotions are valid. Simple practices like daily check-ins during car rides or sharing about each other's day at dinner creates an environment where kids feel safe to express themselves.
This not only strengthens the parent-child bond, but also teaches children that their thoughts and feelings matter. Recognizing that feelings come and go like waves in the ocean, can help kids learn to navigate inevitable challenges and setbacks.
2. They teach solution-seeking skills
When children face challenges, many parents instinctively want to rescue them. However, offering guidance without immediately solving the problem helps children develop a mindset focused on finding solutions.
Asking open-ended questions such as "What do you think you could do now?" or "How have you handled this before?" encourages them to think critically.
Over time, these discussions empower kids to handle setbacks on their own, building self-esteem and a sense of competence. This is especially important for children under 12, when their sense of ability is being formed.
3. They praise the process, not the results
Children who believe their abilities can improve with effort are more resilient in the face of adversity. Rather than solely praising outcomes, commend effort, creativity and persistence.
For example, saying "I noticed how hard you worked on that project" instead of "Good job for getting an A+" reinforces that growth comes through effort.
This subtle shift in language helps children understand that challenges are opportunities for learning, preparing them to face difficulties with determination rather than fear.
4. They establish clear routines and boundaries
Consistent routines and clear boundaries are essential for a child's sense of security. A predictable schedule — such as a regular bedtime and clear rules like homework must be done before soccer practice — creates an environment where children feel safe.
Such routines reduce anxiety by eliminating uncertainty and allow kids the psychological freedom to learn and play. Once established, these routines help children handle occasional changes more easily.
5. They encourage independence and responsibility
Assigning age-appropriate responsibilities, like making lunch or cleaning their room, helps children feel industrious and builds self-confidence. Regular chores contribute to a realistic understanding of how a home and family function.
Research shows that kids who do chores regularly develop a stronger sense of responsibility, self-reliance, better time management and improved cooperative social relationships.
6. They embrace the idea of failing forward
Discussing failure as a part of growth is essential. Share your own struggles and the lessons learned from your setbacks.
An example of this could sound like: "I know you're disappointed right now, and that's understandable given how much effort you put into the baseball tryouts. But I hope you can feel proud of yourself for working outside of practice on your pitches on weekends and early mornings. What do you think you can do differently next time you try out? I believe in you, and I know you'll keep working at things you care about."
When children see that failure is not the end but a stepping stone for learning, they are more willing to take risks and develop resilience.
7. They prioritize their own mental health
A child's mental health is closely connected to their parent's well-being. By taking care of your own mental health, you are better equipped to meet your child's needs.
Modeling self-care and healthy coping skills sets the foundation for how your child will handle stress. Normalizing conversations about mental health helps destigmatize these topics and encourages both children and parents to seek support when needed.
Dr. Sheryl Ziegler is a licensed clinical psychologist with over two decades of experience working with children and families in private practice. She is the author of "Mommy Burnout: How to Reclaim Your Life and Raise Healthier Children in the Process," and the forthcoming book, "The Crucial Years: The Essential Guide to Mental Health and Modern Puberty in Middle Childhood." She is the host of Dr. Sheryl's PodCouch and is a keynote speaker on chronic stress, parenting and burnout. Follow her on Instagram @drsherylziegler.
Comments
Leave a Comment