KSI, the YouTube megastar turned chart-topping musician, has opened up about battling depression amid his towering achievements.
Despite being worshipped by legions and bagging a cool £25m a year as one of Britain's elite gamers and content creators, he faced a stark realisation as he pondered "Is this it?" while grappling with the thought that YouTube had consumed his existence.
Speaking with the Mirror previously, KSI shared how at first, he stepped away from the digital limelight but it took years before he embraced therapy—a move he once considered a symbol of weakness. KSI, which stands for Knowledge, Strength, Integrity, now admits to scheduling therapeutic sessions as needed, crediting them for the contentment he currently finds in all aspects of his life.
The star, who is now a guest judge on Britain's Got Talent, said he endured what felt like a "sort of midlife crisis" during his 20s until therapy got to the root of his discontent: the immense expectations placed on him by his parents.
The process not only helped KSI make peace with his relentless quest for parental approval and public admiration but also led to a transformed view of his family, ultimately creating the tight-knit, affectionate relationship they share today.
KSI's struggles may shock fans who have witnessed him seemingly become successful in every venture he touches — from his Sidemen YouTube crew to chart-topping music hits, and even the boxing ring where he took on roles like CEO of Misfits Boxing, squaring off against the likes of Tommy Fury and US YouTuber Logan Paul.
By October 2022, he had amassed over 41 million subscribers and a staggering 10 billion views across his three YouTube channels. His first album, Dissimulation, dropped in 2020 and soared to number two on the charts, while his follow-up, All Over the Place, clinched the top spot, and he has also notched up an impressive 14 top 40 singles.
Elsewhere his collaboration with Logan Paul on the Prime drink turned it into an overnight sensation, with kids clamouring for a taste and parents shelling out £10-£20 per bottle. Born Olajide Olatunji, he embraced the nickname "JJ" and crafted the KSI persona, which he alternates with depending on the facet of his life he's engaging with.
He explained: "I feel like KSI is quite draining. So people see KSI whenever I'm doing music, boxing. My second YouTube channel is called JJ Olatunji, and it's just me just being me.
"You know, it's not like I'm going crazy all the time, but like it's a lot more real, a lot more human, where people can actually relate to it a lot more compared to how I was for example when I was fighting Tommy Fury. I was there like 'I am the nightmare, KSI, like no-one can defeat me'."
However, he added: "I'm [actually] happy just with my cats, with my girlfriend, with my family." KSI also explained he had to learn to find joy in his career after achieving YouTube stardom.
He said: "Before I didn't. You know, you'd get depressed, you'd get sad. You wonder 'Do I want to do this?' or 'Why am I doing this?'" He recalled experiencing a difficult period in 2017, where he took a break from YouTube lasting several months and removed his content from social media.
He further explained "I was just like 'I need to just leave the internet'. I had like a midlife crisis. I was like 'Is this it? Is this my life? Am I just going to be doing this for the rest of my life?
"I was like 'nah, f*** this, I'm out'. I kind of just went on holiday, travelled, enjoyed myself, tried to figure out what I wanted to do. And I was like 'Alright, I kind of want to be a guy that is able to just do whatever I want and not be stuck in this lane of you're a YouTuber, you have to just do YouTube and that is it'.
"So I started doing music. The idea of a YouTuber being able to get a number one album or a top five, like no-one could even fathom it." He then shifted gears, saying: "And then I was like 'Ok, boxing'."
On the High-Performance podcast, he opened up about whether his diverse pursuits helped him avoid feeling disillusioned: "Every now and then, it can happen. I can feel it's coming. And then I'd go see a therapist, talk it out, figure out what I need."
He clarified: "It's not like I see a therapist all the time, every week. It's like whenever I feel something is happening or I'm not in a good spot. Booking the session, work it all out.
"Sometimes it could take a few weeks, a few months - could take a week. Then I'm back to being me again."
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